Dendrophilia - what do you think about having sex with a tree?
Apparently it’s all down to their function as phallic symbols. I’m talking about the sex appeal of a tree.
We have all seen pictures of trees with gnarled trunks or branches , so old that boles or knots had fallen out leaving a conveniently sized hollow that lends itself to being thought of as a simulated you-know-what.
As hard as Wood
Although a tree is a living thing (usually). The thought of congress with it does present some difficult problems. Splinters for one. Although I suppose if enough “Dendrophilia” people ‘used’ the hollow it would get worn smooth eventually.
The best guess about the origin of this fetish lies in those cultures of antiquity. Those that demanded young men ejaculate over a tree as part of some fertility rite.
Bark worse than bite
As recently as 2009 a young Scotsman was banned for life from Central Park in Airdrie for attempting to copulate with a tree in the visitor attraction.
Dr Mark Griffiths mentions this incident in his blog
Slave bobbie has been thinking about this sexual stimulus. Are some trees inherently more appealing than others?
Which tree is suitable for Dendrophilia?
Oak is a bit rough. Silver birch. Now, there’s a tree presses all the buttons. That slim, bleached blonde look. Always elegant. Beech is smooth if you like that sort of thing. Apple trees and pear trees, that’s something else. Imagine snuggling up on a warm September day, while the fruit’s still in blossom. Then, having a little nibble before it drops. Go on, you know you want to.
Can’t handle yew. The branches are so thick you can’t see the trunk. They’re like a burqa. In fact, all the evergreens are problematic for that very reason. It’s all a bit off-ish – antisocial. Not the sort of thing you expect from a native species.
You can check out Willow Monroe’s blog here
Gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘tree-hugger’.
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