Interview with a BDSM beginner

A long-standing friend of mine of 20 years has recently been exploring the possibilities of introducing BDSM into her sex life. I was intrigued to find out a little more. I was delighted when she agreed to partake in an interview.

The BDSM beginners interest

I first asked Jessica: why this kinky side of sex interests her? She answered, “I like the thought of being kinky because it makes me feel like I’m doing something risky and wrong, it makes me feel naughty.”

I then asked her: what is her definition of BDSM sex? She answers “BDSM sex is feeling restricted, restrained wanting and needing and being taken advantage of. And, more importantly, pushing sex to the limits whilst enjoying it.

What are your kinks?

I wanted to know what her kinks were and how far she was willing to take them.
“my kinks are being tied up, whipped and dominated if I’m with the right partner and feel comfortable then I will take it further. I’m still very nervous and haven’t met the right person. My sexual partners with whom I have tried BDSM have not been that into it. This has left me a little disappointed and frustrated. However, I’m very scared of finding somebody who could fulfil my sexual, kinky desires. It’s really important for me that my BDSM partner would have lots of other sexual partners and that they have had a sexual health check. This is something I’m very concerned about.

The thrill of BDSM for a newbie

I went on to ask Jessica why does the thrill of BDSM appeal to her?
The thrill of BDSM appeals to me because of the wonderful costumes you can dress in and also the dominance which takes place. I do find it quite sinister which, for me is a definite turn on and suits my personality. Strangely enough, I do find sinister-looking men very attractive. Why do I have an affinity towards the serial killer look? Who knows LOL

Beginning to look for a BDSM partner

I wanted to find out if she had started looking for a BDSM partner. She told me: I currently use an app called “freed” I don’t seem to be very successful on it. I don’t know if I am trying myself in the right way. My pictures might not be fetish or kinky enough. However, I do get a few people who contact me. I am in contact with a couple of them but so far I haven’t dared to meet either of them.

Whipped, Tied up and dominated

With some of my previous relationships, I have been whipped, tied up and dominated. But, I have put this onto my previous vanilla partners. It didn’t work out as well as I was hoping for. I’m hoping for something much more intense with somebody who is more experienced. I want to be to completely dominate me safely. I want to completely lose control. It’s something which I need and is in my nature. However, I always seem to feel that I cannot lose myself completely. I do have some preconceived fears, however.
For example: when I am in a (real) BDSM scenario, I’m afraid that things may get too far and it gets dangerous to the point that I could get hurt.

So nervous about the BDSM leap

I’m still so nervous about taking that first leap into the BDSM world. I have so many apprehensions and fears and it seems that there’s not a lot of people who I can talk to and trust.

Trust issues of a BDSM beginner


I’m sure that if I found somebody with who I can be completely honest with I might feel more inclined to go ahead and throw myself into a proper and intense BDSM sexual encounter. However, I still have a massive fear of things going wrong and me getting hurt. This is the real dilemma I am facing.

I do believe that I need to take this leap. It would certainly help my mental health for sure.

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